He's gone...

D's dad passed away at 11:30am last night. He coudln't have went in a better way, guys. :(

We brought him home on Friday and he had SUCH a good day. It was the BEST thing that could have happened, bringing him home. He was uncomfortable due to a bed sore that he had developed on his tale bone, but the pain wasn't intolerable due to the cancer. We had to move him every 30min. or so to make him comfortable, wipe him down, massage him, etc. etc. I stayed until about 2am that night, then headed back over the next morning (Saturday). He woke up in (a lot) of pain due to the cancer, he said it hurt all over. :( We started giving him his pain meds to make him comfortable.

He slipped into unconciousness around 10:30am. He just looked like he was peacefully sleeping. Around 8pm, he started having a white substance draining from his nose :( We would suction it out, and was told via the phone from Hospice that it was from his lungs (part of the process). I felt a strong urge to pray for him around 9:30pm after suctioning him out and told everyone that he can still hear us, we need to talk to him and pray. I grabbed his hand and he squeezed it back. :( I held his hand until the moment he passed. We all sat around him until the moment he passed, telling him how we felt- sharing good times, funny moments, etc. I held his hand and just rubbed his arm, trying to make him as comfortable and safe as possible. Around 11:10, I noticed that he was starting to feel cold :( we knew that this was the process, but I covered him up more to make him comfortable. All of a sudden, the Holy Spirit filled the room SO amazingly. I bent over and started praying in tounges, as did both of my SIL's. Our hands were moved all over his body, guided by the Holy Spirit. We started telling him it was time to go- that his work here on Earth has been done but how there's plenty of more work to do in Heaven. How much we love him, not to be afraid, just to let go... how close he was to God's Glory. It was SO intense right before he passed. ANYONE in that room who ever questioned God's existence and if Heaven really does exists should never have to doubt it again. It was *amazing*. He took his last breath, it wasn't labored at all- he opened his eyes. We kept praying, telling him how much we love him that it was okay, etc. and then he passed.

There was this *amazing* peace that came over the room guys, SO GOD. We continuley prayed for peace all week and for God to sustain his body so he can go home and pass peacefully. God sure did deliver.

It coudln't have happened in a better way. He wanted to come home, God sustained his organs to do so. We all go to spend his last week telling him how we felt about him, nothing went unsaid. D's family call themselves "emotional retards" (sorry lol) because it's SO hard for EACH of them to tell someone how they feel. I'm the complete opposite- I wear my heart on my sleeve and just say what's on my mind. I would always start the "feeling sharing" each time and it really helped each of them to open up and I'm SO VERY GLAD, you have no idea. Even Ray, D's brother- he's probally the hardest one of all and finally, yesterday the last intimate time we shared with his dad, he broke down and started telling him how he felt about him. :( It was not only good for his dad to hear but SO good for Ray. I was so releived that he had the courage to do so. It's really hard for them to open up, it's just how they were raised. They never questioned their parents love for them, they had every need met and always felt loved, but the words "I love you" and feelings themselves were rarely shared. So this was a VERY good thing for each of them, words can't even begin to tell you. SO GOD.

Nothing like going being diagnosed 2.5wks ago with Lung cancer, then a week later finding out that it's in stage 3 and has spread to the liver and lymp nodes. To going in 6 days ago to try to prolong your life by 3mo. with chemo, to then finding out you have a few days to live due to organ failure. :( we're all still trying to wrap our minds around how fast it happened. I truly in my heart feel that this was God's grace and his amazing hand in all of this. He didn't suffer, and I really feel that is why God took him so quickly.

Last Monday, the day of his first round of chemo they took his blood to check his bellyrubbin count & all his other levels. They weren't suppose to start chemo without checking these levels. The nurse Practitioner told us that even though they were taking his blood, she was going to go ahead and start the chemo drop (without checking his levels) since they just took his blood that previous Thursday. HAD THEY HAVE CHECKED HIS LEVELS, they would have never given him the chemo because of how much his levels were off. But they did..... the chemo caused a dormet cancer cell to awaken, which caused it to spread even faster. I truley, in my heart, feel this was all God. No, God didn't "make" the cancer and surely didn't make all this happened, but had they checked his levels that Monday- he woudln't have had chemo at all. He could have suffered really badly over the next few months. I really feel that God spared him. He went in a peaceful sleep guys.. you can't ask for a better way to go.

Sorry for the long rambles, and sorry if my sharing is wigging anyone out with all the details. You know it's just me, writing/sharing is how I deal and it's just who I am.

The visitation is tommorow and the funeral is on Monday. We decided to do it quickly since it's a long weekend so friends/family can make it down. The girls won't be attending the visition (nor will the older girls, just too much).. but they will be attending the funeral. Telling the girls this morning before Church went as smooth as I could have hoped. They have the foundation of God, so they know that Papa is in Heaven, now with Grandma and that they will see him again. They were "ok" until we got to church. Worship was pretty intense, and I think it hit them pretty hard not seeing Papa there. :( They were all crying pretty hard, esp. Savannah- she has seemed to take it the hardest, her and Courtney. They all loved him so much.... :(

Please continue to keep the family in your prayers. Thanks for your support through all of this. It's been the most emotional week I think I've ever expierenced. He will be greatly missed.

I haven't had much time to be on the computer, so I typed this update out for my friends on TCCC, so if you have already read it, my appolgies.