Friday, May 8, 2009

Eye Opener Yesterday....

So, yesterday's drive downstown wasn't that bad afterall. He only talked on his cell phone once the entire ride, so it turned out to be a quite ride after all.

After I dropped him off back at the office, I hit goodwill because I'm searching for a few comfy "non-fitting" tee shirts to work out in. I have 2. Sure, I could very easily wear a tight fitting tee, but c'mon.. I'm working out, do I really want to wear fitted clothes? Exactly. Anyways, I keep wearing the *same thing* to work out 4 times a week and I'm tellin' ya, I'm starting to get some looks. No luck on finding any, but sadly, I came across something else that I wasn't expecting.

My eyes (and heart) were awakened by 2 sets of Foster parents who were "bragging" to one another how much they get from the system. They were ranting and raving, very loud and very boastful might I add, so much that another woman walked over by me and said, "If that lady doesn't stop talking I'm going to say something to her!" No, it wasn't because she was loud. It was WHAT she was saying :( It was so sad. The baby, Leslie, was about 10-11mo. old. a little chubbily hispanic baby that was just so absoutely precious. Full head of black hair. She kept *yelling* at her like she was nothing :( simply because she started whinning. There was *no* love. There was *no* comfort. Her interaction with the baby, if you want to call it that, was all negative and just down right frightening. :( She bragged to the other woman, who was raising her grandson and saying how she has another granddaughter in the system because she's disabled and they coudln't care for her anymore but how they no longer get a check for her and how wrong it is, etc. etc. (it was sick and heartbreaking!). The lady (caregiver to Leslie) was sharing how she has a felony, so she can't go through the system herself for money for Leslie, but how the babies mother is strung out on drugs, so she brings over her food stamp card, Leslie's wick, "and other things" (laughing) and said how the Mom and her have a good deal worked out. The conversation alone was getting to me and I was appauled, but it once again confirmed how MESSED UP our system is and how many children out there NEED LOVE.

I found 2 skirts that I wanted to try on, but the dressing room was full. The lady and Leslie were in there, I could hear them through the door. As I sat outside the door, not helping to listen because she was screaming so loudly at her :(, my heart just broke. Tears running down my face and I started praying to God to give me the right words, for comfort and protection and love for baby Leslie. My heart was breaking. The lady SCREAMED (and I mean screamed!) and said, "Leslie, GET OFF MY PANTS, MOVE!" It sounded as if the baby was on the nasty, dirty floor, and she coudln't walk, but yet this woman was screaming at her for sitting on her pants. The baby had a rattle-like toy that the lady found in GW. Leslie, being a baby, was shaking it, making noise with it. The lady yelled at her in a very raised voice 'LESLIE- STOP!!!!"... then it went on to "LESLIE- SHUTUP- STOP MAKING SO MUCH NOISE!".. all of a sudden, as the rattle was still being shaken, you hear the rattle being thrown up against the wall and the baby just SCREAMS! :( My heart was breaking. She then said, "It's time to get back in the cart". The baby cried, you could tell she didn't want to. The lady kept screaming at her, "LESLIE- SIT DOWN!", this went on a few times and all of sudden, you hear the baby cry again. :( The lady opened the door, I shot her a look where she knew I had heard everything, then she looked down, then looked up again. I then looked at Leslie in a pouting way with my bottom lip sticking out like I felt so sorry for her. :( All the while, tears still in my eyes. A lady that works there comes over and asks the baby, "What's wrong sweetie?" and the caregiver says, "Oh, she's being bad today. Mean kid!" and I walked right over to that baby, bumping the shoulder of the caregiver, placed my hands on her cheeks and said, "You aren't bad.. you're just a precious little baby who doesn't know any better, aren't you sweetie?". The lady just looked at me and she started pushing the cart away. :(

I went into the dressing room, trying to get my composer, tried on the skirts, and came out in hopes to find the lady and quitely watch her get in her car so I could get the lincese number to report her to DFS. The lady was telling the other lady how she would never allow Leslie to go in the system because you don't know what happens there. I was thinking to myself, "That baby would be so better off in the hands of someone who can love her and isn't just doing it for the money!". It just broke my heart. I looked all over for them in the store, they were gone. I went out to the parking lot, searching for them, they were gone. :( I sat in my car and just cried out to God to please protect that baby. My heart is still breaking for her today.

In the store, I kept thinking, "Maybe I can offer my phone number to the lady and tell her that if it gets too much to call me, that I'm happy to babysit or fill in when needed". So many thoughts ran through my mind, but this lady was rough. She had a felony. :( I didn't know what to do without making this woman feel threatened or like I was trying to stir up things.

I don't know... I just think about that little face. If she was treating her like that in front of poeple, I can't imagine how bad it is at home. I think of all the parents out there that would love nothing more than to love that little girl through adoption, to build the foundation of God and love that she so needs. :( My heart just breaks for her... it was an eye opener and makes you think of ALL the children out there, in the system and not, that just need to feel loved.

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